so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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