At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
