When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
