just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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