Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
this hospital has no fireball
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