I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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