i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize