i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
