how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
