first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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