i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
