I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
