i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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