OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
