I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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