I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
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I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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