Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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