yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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