so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
