im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I want her autograph on my taint
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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