ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
