a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
