I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
im six kinds of drunk right now
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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