We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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