The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
