This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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