i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
