I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
