dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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