ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
