break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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