DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
