I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
