If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
