she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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