Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
