Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
