i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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