I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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