You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
