i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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