I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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