if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
