i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
