I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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