i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
