I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
