i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
