somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
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But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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