I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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