You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
