you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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