You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
