wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
