quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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