ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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