laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
