Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
