Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
