is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
