he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
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Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
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so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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