Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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