I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
