Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
