Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
