Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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