they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
