i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
