how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
