How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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