Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
