u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
